Martin Lewis 

Because you don’t want the British to stage an intervention

As I’m sure most of you know—this beautiful land mass was once part of the Great British Empire. Then you lot declared your independence. Being very gracious parents, we British permitted our American offspring to set up home and live independently of the Mother Country. And you did fairly well for a good while. We looked on benevolently as our unruly offspring went through a messy adolescence—that Uncivil War as depicted in one of Ken Burns’s innumerable TV series and the fight against Civil Wrongs in the 1950s and 1960s. But we always thought our kid would straighten out eventually.

Our first awareness that you chaps might need a product recall was 2000–2008. What WERE you thinking?! And then we understood. You WEREN’T thinking. But at least that couldn’t happen again. Then 2016 told us how wrong we were. And now here we are once more. On the brink of a fateful election.

Far be it for an Englishman—albeit one happily resident in the USA for over four decades—to tell Americans how to vote. And yet I am very concerned about what might happen to this land I love if Kamala doesn’t prevail in this contest. 

I am far too long-winded—though I prefer to describe it as being “generously comprehensive”—to cram all the frightening consequences into the compact space available here. But do the words “parental intervention” “conservatorship” “British RE-invasion” ring any bells?! 

Look—if you bunch pull your socks up and elect the intelligent, caring, compassionate, joyous Kamala Harris, then you’ll be fine. We British will see that you have gotten hold of yourselves. And that nice, newly crowned King Charles won’t feel the need to intervene!

For those morbidly curious as to the dystopia that the Mother Country might inflict on you if Kamala does NOT prevail—please read my unexpurgated, ridiculously-long, but moderately witty take on the entire matter in my new Substack entitled “Vote For Kamala—Or Else!”

http://themartinlewis.substack.com/p/vote-for-kamala-or-else

Martin Lewis is a British producer and humorist. Based in the US since 1982. In his five-decade career, he has produced talents such as Monty Python, the Rutles, Pete Townshend, Sting, and George Michael.